Confidence is contagious and so is a lack of confidence. Confidence can give your child the required energy and courage to reach the heights. The time when our children become sensible enough to realize that they are growing, they have new bodies and they are developing their minds, at that time their relationships with their family and friends are in flux; that is the time they understand for the first time that they are not good at everything. My daughter, Shay was also going through the same period of time during her adolescence which made her believe that she is incapable, inferior or inadequate. Lack of confidence is not related to lack of ability. It results from focusing on the unrealistic expectations of other, be it, friends, be it family members, be it, parents. She started to become conscious of how others perceive her.
Making her realize and developing her confidence took some real time and energy because it involved changes and new behaviors. I was necessary to shatter her key habit of negative thinking and for this, I had to make her learn to acknowledge and deal with her thinking patterns. I asked her to stop judging herself by whatever happens to her in life, to forgive herself for her past mistakes because old grudges take up a lot of time and energy which can be used in other productive things. It was in her habit to set unrealistic goals for herself which would always result in disappointing her with herself and self-criticism, which would indirectly end in unconfident thoughts. To build self-confidence, all it takes is an act of efforts and so I did. I asked and helped her to practice following things; to practice one thing which she likes the most, to volunteer her services somewhere, to join a group of friends to speak for herself. I tried to keep her away from al the negativities and asked her to make a list of all her accomplishments and of all the things she is thankful for and asked her to post it in her room where she can be easily reminded of her amazing moments. This thing actually worked and helped in boosting her confidence.
These were just small efforts which reduced her lack of confidence. And as her mother, it was my responsibility to help her develop her confidence. Lack of confidence is not something permanent, not something inherited. It can be developed and learned. Life is full of challenges and it is difficult to keep our confidence up all the time. But, there are times and opportunities when you can develop or boost your confidence as I mentioned earlier, it is not something inherited, it can always be learned and developed.